Maineiac

Family Safe Jokes

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

When I'm an Old Lady

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When I'm an old lady,
I'll live with each kid,
And bring so much happiness...
just as they did.

I want to pay back
all the joy they've provided,
Returning each deed.
Oh, they'll be so excited!

I'll write on the wall
with reds, whites and blues,
And bounce on the furniture
wearing my shoes.

I'll drink from the carton
and then leave it out.
I'll stuff all the toilets
and oh, how they'll shout!

When they're on the phone
and just out of reach,
I'll get into things
like sugar and bleach,

Oh, they'll snap their fingers
and then shake their head,
And when that is done
I'll hide under the bed!

When they cook dinner
and call me to eat,
I'll not eat my green beans
or salad or meat.

I'll gag on my okra,
spill milk on the table,
And when they get angry
I'll run... if I'm able!

I'll sit close to the TV,
through the channels I'll click,
I'll cross both my eyes
just to see if they stick.

I'll take off my socks
and throw one away,
And play in the mud
'til the end of the day!

And later in bed,
I'll lay back and sigh,
I'll thank God in prayer
and then close my eyes.

My kids will look down
with a smile slowly creeping,
And say with a groan,
"She's so sweet when she's sleeping!"