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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

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  • Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
  • Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp. What chicken?
  • George Bush: To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.
  • Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
  • Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
  • Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
  • Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?
  • Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
  • Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its forward momentum.
  • Robert Frost: To cross the road less traveled by.
  • Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
  • Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
  • Lee Iacocca: It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.
  • John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!
  • James Joyce: Once upon a time a nice little chicken named baby tuckoo crossed the road and met a moocow coming down...
  • Gilligan: The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail - the chicken would be lost. The chicken would be lost!
  • Immanuel Kant: Because it was a duty.
  • Martin Luther King: It had a dream.
  • Capt. James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
  • Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain!
  • Stan Laurel: I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.
  • Gottfried Von Leibniz: In this best possible world, the road was made for it to cross.
  • Groucho Marx: Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.
  • Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
  • Moses: Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own preservation.
  • Alfred E. Neumann: What? Me worry?
  • Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
  • Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.
  • Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
  • Ayn Rand: It was crossing the road because of its own rational choice to do so. There cannot be a collective unconscious; desires are unique to each individual.
  • Ronald Reagan: I forget.
  • John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
  • William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.
  • Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.
  • Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
  • Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
  • Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.
  • Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.
  • William Wordsworth: To have something to recollect in tranquility.
  • Henny Youngman: Take this chicken ... please.