Maineiac

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

You Know You're In A Cheap HMO When...

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Your annual breast exam is conducted at Hooters.

Directions to your doctor's office include, "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."

Tongue depressors taste faintly of fudgesicle.

The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

The only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is "An apple a day."

Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

"Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.

The only expense covered 100% is embalming.