Maineiac

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Drunken Car Theft

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A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had been in his car.

"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.

The police were dumbfounded and dispatched an officer to the scene.

Upon arriving, the officers found the drunk muttering, "Never mind," with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."