Maineiac

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Moondial

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Murphy, staggering home in the wee small hours of the morning, meets up with the local lawman.

"Well here ye are again," says the constable, "Don't you know what time it is?"

"No", says Murphy, "But I can tell from the moon."

"I have heard of people telling time from the sun," says the constable, "but never the moon."

"Then watch!" says Murphy.

Throwing his head back and cupping his mouth, he bellows skyward, "HELLOOOO MOON!!"

Down the darkened steet comes the shout, "Knock it off you drunken sot, don't ye know it's two o'clock in the mornin'?"

"See!" says Murphy.