Maineiac

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Your Dog's New Year's Resolutions

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  • I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
  • The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
  • I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
  • I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
  • I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
  • I will not eat the cats' food... before OR after they eat it.
  • I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
  • I will not throw up in the car.
  • I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
  • I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
  • "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
  • I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
  • The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
  • I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.
  • I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
  • I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
  • When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
  • We do not have a doorbell.
  • I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
  • I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.
  • The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
  • My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
  • I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.