He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY

He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN

He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS

He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION

He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS

He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK -He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL

He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY

He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED