Maineiac

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Useless Inventions

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  • A freezer for Eskimos.
  • AC adapter for solar calculators.
  • Air-Bag Motorcycle jacket.
  • Anklet wristwatches for contortionists.
  • Avalanche prevention goggles.
  • Battery powered battery charger.
  • Battery-operated nuclear power plants.
  • Blinker Fluid.
  • Brake oil.
  • Breathable space suit.
  • Brown undershorts.
  • Cabin pressurization system for the Cessna 150.
  • Caffeine-free Diet Coke.
  • Candy bars with stannous fluoride added.
  • Car steering triangles -- doubles as anti-theft device.
  • Cast iron wire.
  • Cat flap for the fridge.
  • Checkered paint.
  • Combs for bald-heads.
  • Cordless plumb line.
  • Dehydrated water.
  • Diet celery.
  • Digital clock-winder.
  • Digital computer.
  • Double-sided playing cards.
  • Downhill stairmaster.
  • Ejector seats for helicopters.
  • Electric banana straightener.
  • Electric dog polisher.
  • Extra-large bicycle clips, for use when cycling in shorts.
  • Fat-free Twinkies.
  • Felt Jumper cables.
  • Fine glass-crystal castanets.
  • Fireproof cigarettes.
  • Fireproof kindling.
  • Fireproof matches.
  • Flame-retardant gasoline.
  • Flashbulb tester.
  • Flavored suppositories.
  • Foam rubber toothpicks.
  • Freeze Dried Water.
  • Frictionless Sandpaper.
  • Fur sink.
  • Hand-powered chainsaw.
  • Ice skate sandals, for use in hot climates.
  • Inflatable anchor.
  • Inflatable dart board.
  • Inflatable PC -- The Ultimate Laptop!
  • Kickstand for a tank.
  • Laundromat in a nudist colony.
  • Leather cutlery.
  • Lie detectors for politicians.
  • Low salt brine.
  • Low-calorie PowerBar.
  • Luminous sun-dial, for use at night.
  • Matte finish floor wax.
  • Mesh raincoat.
  • Money with negative face value.
  • Motorcycle seat-belts.
  • Muffler Bearings.
  • Non-intrusive alarm clock (raises a flag instead of ringing a bell).
  • Non-stick Cellotape.
  • Open-toed Safety Shoes.
  • Papier mache step ladder.
  • Parachute that opens automatically, upon impact.
  • Particle board tent stakes.
  • Reduced calorie water.
  • Remote control for a computer.
  • Remote control for a Watchman.
  • Reversible garbage disposal.
  • Rubber Kleenex.
  • Screen door on a submarine.
  • Second-hand fireworks.
  • Self-stick frying pan.
  • Soap-Dissolver.
  • Solar powered flashlight.
  • Solar-powered night light.
  • Solar-powered pacemakers for elderly sunbathers.
  • Steel-belted radial rubber bands.
  • Strap-on portable chairs.
  • Sugar-coated insulin.
  • Sundial with glow in the dark markings.
  • Tire chains for motorcycles.
  • Trailer hitch for the Honda CVCC.
  • Training wheels for timid sports car drivers.
  • Umbrella with a skylight.
  • Unsinkable submarine.
  • Waterproof sponge.
  • Waterproof teabags.
  • Waterproof toilet paper.