Maineiac

Family Safe Jokes

Find Us / Like Us

FacebookMySpaceTwitterDiggDeliciousStumbleuponGoogle BookmarksRedditNewsvineTechnoratiLinkedinRSS FeedPinterest
Pin It

Login Form

A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Quotes 3

Star InactiveStar InactiveStar InactiveStar InactiveStar Inactive
 

Life is a quarry, out of which we are to mold and chisel and complete a character.
- Goethe, German poet and scientist

The world moves and ideas that were good once are not always good.
- Eisenhower

There is danger in reckless change, but greater danger in blind conservatism.
- Henry George, Economist

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
- The Bible, Corinthians, Chapter 13, verse 11

If any man wishes to write in a clear style, let him be first clear in his thoughts; and if any would write in a noble style, let him first possess a noble soul.
- Goethe, German poet and scientist

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
- Ashleigh Brilliant

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.
- Albert Einstein

Many find that things can be done in a day if they don't always make that day tomorrow.
- Unknown

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
- Laurance Peter

A real family man is one who looks at his new baby as an addition rather than a deduction.
- Unknown

The lust for comfort, that stealthy thing that enters the house a guest and then becomes a host, and then a master.
- Khalil Gibran, Arab poet

The truth always turns out to be simpler than you thought.
- Richard Feynman, Physicist, educator

A "no" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a "yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
- Gandhi

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.
- Mark Twain

You must constantly ask yourself these questions:
--Who am I around?
--What are they doing to me?
--What have they got me reading?
--What have they got me saying?
--Where do they have me going?
--What do they have me thinking?
And most important,
--What do they have me becoming?
Then ask yourself the big question:
Is that okay?
- Jim Rohn

If you haven't all the things you want, be grateful for the things you don't have that you didn't want.
- Unknown

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips!
- Unknown

I understand life isn't fair, but why couldn't it just once be unfair in my favor?
- Christy Murphy

Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you will help them become what they are capable of becoming.
- Goethe, German poet and scientist

My girlfriend is not a ball and chain--she's more of a spring-loaded trap.
- Kevin Hench

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.
- F. Scott Fitzgerald, Author

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
- Johnny Carson

It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another.
- George Bush

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.
- Mark Twain

A budget tells us what we can't afford, but it doesn't keep us from buying it.
- William Feather

Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilt and I'll show you a man.
- Erica Jong

Let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
- Khalil Gibran, Arab poet

A criminal is a person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.
- Howard Scott

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
- Charles Lamb

You've got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra

Put others before yourself, and you can become a leader among men.
- Unknown

Do not be so eager to please that you "agree" without conviction.
- Unknown

Contentment makes poor men rich; discontent makes rich men poor.
- Ben Franklin

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
- Dave Edison

I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead.
- Sue Kolinsky

It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at, 85 years old, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.
- Unknown

They think they can make fuel from horse manure... Now I don't know if your car will be able to get thirty miles to the gallon, but it's sure gonna put a stop to siphoning.
- Billie Holliday

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.
- Unknown

A great deal of talent is lost to the world for want of a little courage.
- Goethe, German poet and scientist

In all life one should comfort the afflicted, but verily, also, one should afflict the comfortable, and especially when they are comfortably, contentedly, even happily wrong.
- John Kenneth Galbraith, Economist

The alternative to uncertainty is authority, against which science has fought for centuries.
- James Gleick, Writer

The God who gave us life gave us liberty at the same time.
- Thomas Jefferson

Man is really free only in God, the source if his freedom.
- Sherwood Eddy

Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.
- Goethe, German poet and scientist

Sometimes I think we're alone. Sometimes I think we're not. In either case, the thought is staggering.
- Buckminster Fuller

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
- Andre Gide, French writer

We're here for a reason. I believe a bit of the reason is to throw little torches out to lead people through the dark.
- Whoopi Goldberg, Actress & Comedian

Don't forget until too late that the business of life is not business, but living.
- Bertie Charles Forbes, Publisher