Maineiac

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Dog Tricks

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A devoutly Christian couple felt it important to own an equally Christian pet. So, after careful inquiry, they went shopping at a kennel specializing in Christian dogs.

They found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied eagerly, using his paws with dexterity. They were so impressed they immediately purchased the dog.

That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new Christian dog and his religious skills, they called the dog and began showing him off.

The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks.

"Well," they said, "let's find out." Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!"

Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the guest's forehead, closed his eyes, and began to pray.