Maineiac

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Witness

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A church deacon, who was a barber, was feeling guilty because he had never witnessed for the Lord.

One day a man came into his shop and asked for a shave.

The barber put him in a chair and lathered his face. He thought this would be the perfect time to witness to the customer.

Nervously he asked, "S-S-Sir, are you r-r-ready to m-meet the L-L-Lord?"

The man opened his eyes wide, and saw the barber holding the razor with a shaking hand.

He jumped out of his chair and took off running down the street with the hair cloth flapping in the wind.