Maineiac

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

You're probably an Auburn fan if ...

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  • you can play the Auburn fight song using your armpit.
  • your wife's idea of cleaning house is throwing everything out into the yard.
  • the Roto-Rooter man stops by your trailer and asks, "What's that smell?"
  • you're a member of the Skoal Frequent Purchaser Program.
  • you looked up your family tree and your uncle spit on you.

Read more: You're probably an...

Alabama Tidbits 5

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Q. How many Alabama fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Just one, but it takes a roomfull to sit around and talk about how the BEAR would have done it.

Alabama Tidbits 4

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Q. What is the difference between a litter of puppies and Alabama fans?
A. The puppies stop whining after 6 weeks.
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Two Auburn fans are walking in the woods. One says, "Look! A dead bird" ...the other one looks up into the sky and says, "Where?"
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Alabama Tidbits 3

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Q. Where was OJ headed in the white Bronco
A. To Tuscaloosa...he knew the police would never look for a Heisman Trophy winner there!
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Q. What's the best road sign in Auburn?
A. Tuscaloosa - 120 miles
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Read more: Alabama Tidbits 3

Alabama Tidbits 2

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Q. How do you keep Freddie Kitchens from hitting you with a football?
A. Wear a Bama jersey!
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Q. How did the Alabama student die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
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Read more: Alabama Tidbits 2

Alabama Tidbits

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Q. Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar Alabama State Lottery?
A. 3 dollars a year for a million years.
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Q. What do a Divorce in Alabama, a Tornado in Kansas and a Hurricane in Florida have in common?
A. Somebody's fixin' to lose them a house trailer.
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The Alabama Jumper

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A farmer in Alabama was driving across a bridge in his pickup truck when he noticed a man standing on the rail of the bridge ready to jump to his death in the river below.

The man stopped his truck, ran up to the man, and said, "Hey fellow, why are you doing this?" The man replied, "Well, I have nothing to live for."

Read more: The Alabama Jumper

Stupid Rednecks!

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A guy went to Tuscaloosa and picked up one of those new Mercedes. He was testing it out in the parking lot, turned on the radio and nothing happened.

Furious, he demanded to see the sales manager, and told him "When I buy a $50,000 car I expect the dang radio to work."

Read more: Stupid Rednecks!

Shug's House

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After Bear Bryant dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows Bear a little two-bedroom house with a faded Alabama banner hanging from the front porch.

"This is your house, coach," God says happily."Most people don't get their own houses up here."

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Rabid Dog

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Two boys are playing football in a vacant lot when one of the boys is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the first little boy rips a board off a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar, and twists, breaking the dog's neck and killing him instantly.

A reporter, who happens to be strolling nearby, sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy.

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No Driver

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Several years ago the city of Birmingham decided to lease several English-style double decker buses to transport the Auburn and Alabama fans to the Iron bowl. On this bus, the Auburn fans were on the bottom level and the Alabama fans were on the top deck.

As we started off to the stadium, all of the Auburn fans were making a lot of noise yelling "War Eagle" and having a good time. We noticed that the Alabama fans were quiet. Not a sound was coming from the upper deck.

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Kindergarten

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Billy Bob and his family moved from Alabama to Maine so his Paw could find better work picking potatoes. The next day Billy Bob started his first day of kindergarten. When he got home he rushed to tell his Paw, "Paw, Paw, Teacher ast us to ree-cite the alpherbet today en Ah wuz the onliest one that could!"

His Paw replied, "That's cuz you's from Bama, son!"

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Quarters!

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An Auburn fan and an Alabama fan both go over to Tunica to do a little gambling.

After a couple of hours the Alabama fan was broke. He looks over and sees the Auburn fan with a wheelbarrel full of quarters.

The Alabama fan walks over to him and says, "Wow, where did you win all that?"

To which the Auburn fan replies, "You see that machine on the wall over there? If you put a dollar in you get four quarters back every time!"

Length vs. Height

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Two Auburn Engineering students were tasked to measure the height of a flag pole as a class assignment. They decided to measure the flag pole outside of Legion Field at the south end of the stadium.

While attempting this task, one student would hold the tape while the other climbed the flag pole with the other end of the tape. Much to their disappointment the student climbing the pole kept sliding down and could not get to the top.

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Firing Squad

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A Bama alum, a Tennesse alum and an Auburn alum have been captured by Iraqi forces and are about to be executed by firing squad.

First, the Bama alum is blindfolded and placed in front of the firing squad. The Iraqi officer said, "Ready, aim...."

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Elevator

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A country bumpkin family from Alabama decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son. They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator. Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.

While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.

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Doughnut Seeds

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An Alabama and an Auburn cheerleader where each late for breakfast at cheerleading camp so they had to eat cereal instead of a hot breakfast.

The Alabama cheerleader fixed her bowl of Cheerios and went to sit at a nearby table.

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Can't Get Out!

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An Alabama fan was driving down a country road when he came upon two Auburn football players hitchiking. He told the Auburn players to jump in the back of his pick-up truck.

He then drove down the dirt road rather fast and lost control of the truck as they were going around a curve. The truck landed in a lake. The Alabama fan scrambled to the surface and swam to the bank. When he looked back at the lake, the two Auburn football players were still sitting in the bed of the truck looking frantic.

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Brains

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A football fan walks into a small shop in Birmingham. He spots a bottle labeled "New York Football Player Brains" , $5 an ounce. He asks the clerk if there are any other bottles.

The clerk replies, "Well, we've got Tennessee brains for $10 an ounce, and Alabama football brains for $1,000,000 an ounce."

The man says, "Why the big difference in price?"

The clerk answers,"Do you know how many Alabama football players we have to kill to get an ounce of brains!"

Are Ya Chicken?

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A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good Alabama joke.

The bartender says, "Before you tell it, you should know that I am 6-2 and weigh 225 and I'm from Alabama. See that guy at the end of the bar? He's 6-4 and weighs 250 and he's from Alabama, too. And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He's 6-6 and weighs 280 and he's from Alabama,too! Now, do you still want to tell your Alabama joke?"

Read more: Are Ya Chicken?