Maineiac

Family Safe Jokes

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Yo' Momma #5

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YO' MOMMA SO FAT...

  • she rocked herself to sleep trying to get up!
  • when she got on the scale, it said "one at a time please!"
  • when she steps on the scale, it said "to be continued!"
  • she wakes up in sections!
  • when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up!
  • when she goes to cross the street, all the other trucks think she's a truck so they don't stop!
  • she drives a "double wide," complete with "wide load" signs across the back!
  • when she stepped on a scale, it said "one person at a time!"
  • she uses a shovel as a spoon and a rake as a fork!
  • when she steps on a scale, it says Slimfast!
  • when she wore a yellow jumpsuit, somebody yelled "TAXI!!"
  • when she went swimming in the ocean, the whales started singing "We Are Family!"
  • when she drives a car, she uses her belly to hit the gas and break pedals!
  • she steps on a scale and it says "dinosaurs are exstinct!"
  • she doesn't walk - she rolls!
  • whenever an airplane runs into her, she says "Who's throwing rocks?!"
  • when she jumps up in the air, she gets stuck!

YO' MOMMA SO STUPID...

  • she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jiff!

YO' MOMMA SO UGLY...

  • when I took her to the zoo, the lady at the entrance said "Thanks for bringing her back!"
  • if ugly were bricks, she'd have her own hood!
  • they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower!
  • she trick-or-reats over the phone!
  • the trick was the treat!
  • she doesn't need a mask for Halloween!
  • she didn't need a mask to rob the bank!

YO' MOMMA SO OLD...

  • when she went to school, there was no history class!
  • I told her to act her own age and she died!

YO' MOMMA SO POOR...

  • when someone closed the freezer door, she said "Who turned off the heat?!"

YO' MOMMA SO GREASY...

  • she makes anchovies look bad!

YO' MOMMA'S TEETH SO YELLOW...

  • traffic slows down when she smiles!

YOU SO UGLY...

  • when you came out of yo' momma, the doctor looked at your butt, then your face, and said "siamese twins!"