Maineiac

CAT:

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

• Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
• Laugh uncontrollably for about three minutes and then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
• When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait five minutes, turn it off again, and repeat the process for a good half hour.

• Oops!
• Has anyone seen my watch?
• That was some party last night. I can't remember when I've been that drunk.
• Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
• Well this book doesn't say that... What edition is your manual?
• Okay, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

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