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A Maineiac
Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.
Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.
You May Be Getting Old If...
User Rating: 4 / 5
- You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
- Your back goes out more than you do.
- You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
- You are proud of your lawn mower.
- Your best friend is dating someone half their age...and isn't breaking any laws.
- Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
- You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
- You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
- Neighbors borrow your tools.
- People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did i wake you?"
- The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
- You wear black socks with sandals.
- Your ears are hairier than your head.
- You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
- You go bowling without drinking.
- You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
- You feel like the night before and didn't even go out.
- A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge
- Dialing long distance tires you out.
- You decide to procrastinate but never get around to it.
- Everything hurts, and when it doesn't, it doesn't work.
- Your little black book only contains names ending in MD.
- You get winded playing chess.
- You join a health club and don't go.
- You're still chasing women, but can't remember why.
- Your mind makes contracts your body can't fulfill.
- You know all the answers but no one asks the questions.
- You look forward to a dull evening.
- You turn out the light for economic, not romantic reasons.
- You sit in a rocking chair and can't make it go.
- Your knees buckle but your belt doesn't.
- You're 17 around the neck, 43 around the waist and 100 around the golf course.
- After painting the town red you have to take a nap before a 2nd coat.
- A lot of room in the house, but none in the medicine cabinet.
- You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
- You finally know your way around and don't feel like going.
- Everything is farther away than it used to be and it's twice as far to the corner than it used to be and they've added a hill.
- You give up running for the bus because it leaves much faster than it used to.
- Stairs are much steeper than they used to be and they're using smaller print in the papers.
- New clothes are getting smaller in the hips and waist.
- Everyone speaks so low you can't hear them.
- People are much younger than they were when you were their age, but people your age are older than your are.
- You meet an old friend who has aged so much she doesn't recognize you.
