I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be.

Today I sniffed
Many dog butts--I celebrate
By kissing your face.

I sound the alarm!
Paperboy--come to kill us all--
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Garbage man--come to kill us all--
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot-
Sniff this and weep.

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle.

I hate my choke chain.
Look, world, they strangle me!
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot--no greater bliss--well,
Maybe catching rats.

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do.

The cat is not all
Bad--she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls.

Dig under fence--why?
Because it's there. Because it's there.
Because it's there.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.

You may call them fleas,
But they are far more--I call
Them a vocation.

My owners' mood is
Romantic--I lie near their
Feet. I fart a big one.