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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

The Drinking Snail

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A snail slides into a bar and goes up to the barman and says "I'll have a pint of Lager, please."

The barman is astounded and says, "Get off it, you're a bloody snail!" and he picks up the snail and throws him out of the door and across the street.

A year later the barman is working again, when he feels a little tap on his ankle as he is collecting glasses.

He looks down and the snail says, "What the heck did you do that for?"