A snail slides into a bar and goes up to the barman and says "I'll have a pint of Lager, please."
The barman is astounded and says, "Get off it, you're a bloody snail!" and he picks up the snail and throws him out of the door and across the street.
A year later the barman is working again, when he feels a little tap on his ankle as he is collecting glasses.
He looks down and the snail says, "What the heck did you do that for?"