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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Lab Fees and Cat Scan

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A man holding a parrot came running and screaming into a veterinarian's office. The vet immediately brought him into an examining room.

The vet carefully examined the parrot, and then said to the man, "I'm sorry, but this bird is dead."

The man began to cry, "No! No! That can't be true! I want another opinion."

The vet thought a second, then said, "Okay," and left for the back office. He returned with a Black Labrador retriever.

The Black Lab sniffed and sniffed the bird, finally letting out a low "woof" sound and looking up at the vet. The vet said to the man, "The dog thinks that the bird is dead too."

The man said, "I don't believe it! I want another opinion!"

The vet then left with the Black Lab and came back with a cat. He placed the cat on the examination table.

The cat walked over to the bird and sniffed and nudged it again and again. Finally, the cat shrugged its shoulders and walked away from the bird. The vet said, "The cat thinks it's dead too."

The man sighed and said, "I guess you're right. How much do I owe you?"

The vet said, "That will be $600.00."

The horrified man said, "Six hundred bucks! Just to tell me my bird is dead? That's ridiculous! That's outrageous!"

The vet then said, "Well, I was going to charge you $50.00, but then I had to include the Lab fees and CAT scan."