Family Safe Jokes

Find Us / Like Us

FacebookMySpaceTwitterDiggDeliciousStumbleuponGoogle BookmarksRedditNewsvineTechnoratiLinkedinRSS FeedPinterest
Pin It

Login Form

A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets

Star InactiveStar InactiveStar InactiveStar InactiveStar Inactive
  • Have a torrid fling with a street mutt.
  • Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.
  • I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
  • Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.
  • Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.
  • Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
  • Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a furry rat or they'll flush me.
  • Always scoot before licking.
  • Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
  • Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.
  • January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!
    January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.
  • I will NOT chase the darnrd stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND!