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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Signs Your Cat has a Personality Disorder

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  • Couldn't muster up sufficient disdain if all nine lives depended on it!
  • You've repeatedly found him in the closed garage, hunched over the wheel of your running Buick.
  • Sits for hours in fascination while listening to Bob Dole.
  • Teeth and claw marks all over your now-empty bottles of Prozac.
  • No longer licks paws clean, but washes them at the sink again and again and again...
  • Continually scratches on the door to get in... the OVEN door.
  • Doesn't get Garfield, but laughs like hell at Marmaduke.
  • Rides in your car with its head out the window.
  • She's a dues-paid, card-carrying member of the Reform Party.
  • You realize one day that the urine stains on the carpet actually form the letters N-E-E-D T-H-E-R-A-P-Y.
  • Has built a shrine to Andrew Lloyd Webber entirely out of empty "9 Lives" cans.
  • Spends all day in litterbox separating the green chlorophyll granules from the plain white ones.
  • After years of NPR, Tabby is suddenly a Ditto-Puss.
  • Sullen and overweight, your sunglass-wearing cat shoots the TV with a .45 Magnum when it sees cartoon depictions of stupid or lazy felines.
  • Your stereo is missing, and in the corner you find a pawn ticket and 2 kilos of catnip.
  • Makes an attempt on "First Cat" Sock's life in a pathetic attempt to impress Jodie Foster.