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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Where's The Beef?

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The newly married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in a floods of tears. He thought to himself, "Whatever could have happened?"

"Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asked.

"Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I took it out of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone... " she sobbed again, "I found that the cat had eaten it!"

"Don't cry, darling," said her husband. " I promise I'll get you a new cat in the morning."