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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

A Death in the Family

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A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about all his employees well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" To which the blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, tells the young girl, "Why don't you go home for the day? We aren't terribly busy...just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly states, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual, saying, "If you need anything, just let me know."

Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out of his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her asking, "Are you gonna be okay??"

"No..." exclaims the blonde, "I just received a horrible call from my sister and she said that her mom died too!"