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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Quips & Quotes on Blondes #3

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She was soooooo blonde, she took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

I knew a blonde so stupid she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home!

She was soooooo blonde, she couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

She was soooooo blonde, she got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months and the box said "2 to 4 years."

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" - "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

I knew a blonde so stupid she called me to get my phone number.

She was soooooo blonde, she was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.

I knew a blonde so stupid she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

She was soooooo blonde, she changes the baby's diaper only once a month because the label said good up to 20 pounds."

Did you hear about the blonde who tripped over a cordless phone?

A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman: "I would like to buy a pink curtain the size of my computer screen." The surprised salesman replies, "But, madam, computers do not have curtains." And the blonde says, "Helloooo... I've got Windows!"

Did you hear about the blonde who took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept?

She was soooooo blonde, she hates M&M's because they are so hard to peel.

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at two in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

I knew a blonde so stupid she thought a quarterback was a refund.

She was soooooo blonde, she when asked what the capital of California was, she answered "C."

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"

She was soooooo blonde, she baked a turkey for five days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."

I knew a blonde so stupid she studied for a blood test.

She was soooooo blonde, she burnt her nose bobbing for French Fries.

I knew a blonde so stupid when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."

My second-to-favorite...
I knew a blonde so stupid she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

My very favorite of the bunch...
Did you hear about the blonde who asked for a price check at the Dollar Store?