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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

T'was the Night Before Impeachment

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Twas the night before impeachment and all through the House
All the Congress was stirring, even Conyers, the louse.

The Articles were hung on the Capitol with care
In hope that old Bubba would be trapped in his lair.

Republicans were warmly nestled with Feds
While visions of perjury danced in their heads

And Barr with his rhetoric, and Hyde with his trap
had just settled in for an afternoon nap.

When out in the Gulf there arose such a clatter
They tuned CNN to see what's the matter

And what to their wondering eyes should appear
but Tomahawk missiles cruising like reindeer

With a presidential address, so lively and quick,
they knew in a moment it must be Ol' Slick

More loyal than beagles, his supporters they came
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name

Now Conyers, Now Gephard, forget about the Vixen!
On Barney! On Maxine! Hey I'm no Nixon!

From Capitol Hill to the Washington Mall
Now dash away, Poll away, Fool them all

And then the Republicans heard on the roof
the prancing and pawing of each little goof

As they scratched their head and were turning around
Resilient ol' Slick polled another rebound.

No longer was he eating his big humble pie
While assaulting Saddam with bombs from the sky

A bundle of weapons he had flung at Iraq,
It looked like again Slick Willie was back.

His eyes how they twinkled, his dimples so merry
he searched for an intern - he wanted a cherry.

His droll big mouth was all drawn in a grin
he knew all at once he had fooled them again

The stump of a stogie he held in his teeth,
The smoke had encircled his head like a wreath

He had a broad face like an old lumberjack's
and a big round belly from eating Big Macs

He was chubby and plump a right jolly old elf
the Republicans wept in spite of themselves

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
soon gave them to know they had something to dread

He spoke the right words and went straight to his work
Ignoring the fact that some think him a jerk

And shaking his finger, and thumbing his nose
by "Wagging the Dog" up the polls he rose

He turned to his spinmeisters and gave them a whistle
They cheered Slick Willie as he launched one more missile

They heard him exclaim, with Impeachment out of sight
"Happy Ramadan to all, and Thank God for this fight"