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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

How It All Started

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In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.

She said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?"

Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between, to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success! Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.

But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new prosperity and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed he did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates's drumheads and drumsticks.

Seeing it, Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others, and I fear that Job's son Stephen will not be able to pull our fat out of the fire as he did of yore with his fruit of the apple tree."

As Abraham paddled his way across the water on his log, he looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known "eBay" and said, "We need a name that reflects what we are!"

Dot replied, "Do not worry yourself, my husband. Just log on. We will call our name, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner-Operators."

"YAHOO!" said Abraham.

And that is how it all began. It wasn't Al Gore after all!