Maineiac

***

There are 10 kinds of people in the world:
Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

Did you hear about the Microsoft crystal ball?
Ask it something and it replies: "Answer unclear. Add 20 Meg of RAM and ask again later."

How many MS engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just define darkness as an industry standard!

Dad was teaching little Johnny, age 5, how to buckle and unbuckle the seat belt. "Just click the square," the daddy said. "Okay," said Johnny, "Is it a single or double click?"

A television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

MACINTOSH stands for Most Applications Crash, If Not, The Operating System Hangs.

Q:Why don't fish go near computers?
A:Because they are afraid to be caught in the internet!

Some say a computer is a woman, if you do something wrong, they'll remember every bit of it. Some say a computer is a man, if you had just waited one more week, you could have gotten a better model for less.

"Hey Bill, I heard you can download the whole Tyson-Holyfield fight off the internet!" - "No kidding? How much memory will it take up?" - "Not much, just two Bytes."

Frequently asked questions for Etch-a-Sketch technical support...
Q: My Etch-a-Sketch has funnly little lines all over the screen. What should I do?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I turn my Etch-a-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I create a new document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I save my Etch-a-sketch document?
A: Don't shake it!

"f u cn rd ths u mst uz unix"
- Unknown

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the tech support number complaining about the error message: "Can't find the printer." On the phone, the man said he even held the printer up in front of the screen, but the computer still couldn't find it!

"My theory is that a computer interface should hurt the user. So I designed new sounds into the product. We've got 'Sound of Puking' 'Fingernails on Blackboard' and 'Bird Hitting Window' -- But suppose the user does something WRONG. Then we have the sound of a puking bird hitting a blackboard."
- Scott Adams

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
- Unknown

I have always wished that my computer would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true. I no longer know how to use my telephone.
- Bjarne Stronstrup (originator of C++ programming language)