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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Windows 98 Recall

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It has come to our attention that a few copies of the West Virginia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside West Virginia. If you have one of the West Virginia editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The West Virginia edtion may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.

Also note:

  • The Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
  • My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
  • Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys
  • Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
  • Hard Drive is referred to as Four Wheel Drive
  • Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.
  • And instead of an error message, you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.

Other features:

  • OK = ats aww-right
  • cancel = hail no
  • reset = awa shoot
  • yes = shore
  • no = naaaaa
  • find = hunt-fer it
  • go to = over yonder
  • help = hep me out here
  • stop = ternit off
  • start = crank it up
  • settings = sittins
  • programs = stuff 'at does stuff
  • documents = stuff I done done

Also note that winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to WINDERS 98:

  • tiperiter = a word processor
  • colering book = a graphics program
  • addin mershene = calculator
  • scratch paper = notepad
  • jupe-box = CD player
  • inner-net = microsoft explorer
  • pichers = a graphics viewer
  • IRS = M/S accounting software
  • IRS2 = M/S accounting sofware with hidden files
  • coon dog = American Kennel Club records
  • fishin = Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records
  • NRA = National Rifle Association
  • shot gun = Remington arms price list
  • riffel = Winchester price list
  • pisstel = Smith and Wesson price list
  • truck = Ford and Chevrolet dealers in Kentucky by zip code
  • house = nearest mobile home repair service by zip code
  • car = same as truck
  • cuzzins = family history (usually a 3 meg file)
  • tax records = usually an empty file
  • shells ammunition inventory (another 3 meg file)
  • bud = list of Budweiser sellers by zip code
  • racin = NASCAR racing schedule includes a list of tv stations that carry the races
  • car n truck parts = nearest junk yard by zip code
  • doc = veterinarians by zip code

We regret any inconvenience it may have cause if you received a copy of the West Virginia edition. You may return it to Micrsosoft for a replacement version.