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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Patient Inquiry

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A woman called Mount Sinai Hospital. She said, "Hello, I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information regarding your patients. But, I don't want to know if the patient is getting better, or doing like expected, or worse. I want to know all the information from top to bottom, from A to Z!"

The voice on the other end of the line said, "That's a very unusual request...What is the patient's name and room number?"

The woman said, "I'd like to know the information about Sarah Finkel, in Room 302."

The hospital operator said, "Finkel, Finkel. Let me see. Feinberg, Farber, Finkel. Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, her blood work just came back as normal, she's going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at twelve o' clock."

The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! Oh, thank God! Her test came back normal, she's getting off the heart machine in a couple of hours, you say. Oh! that's fantastic! And she is being released tomorrow at twelve o'clock! I'm so happy to hear that! . . . That's wonderful news!"

The man on the phone said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be a close family member or a very close friend!"

She said, 'What close family or friend? I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Cohen my doctor tells me nothing."