The 'Blood of Christ' would be switched from red wine to keg beer.
The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning: cold!
The Ten Commandments would actually only be five, double-spaced, and written in a large font.
There would be a new edition every two years in order to limit reselling.
The Forbidden Fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't dorm food.
Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.
Out go the mules; In come the mountain bikes.
Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like Freshmen.
Tower of Babel blamed for Foreign Language requirement.
Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.