- "I'll kick your butt!"
Translation: "I'm gonna get about 20 of my frat buddies together and we're gonna wield bats and hope we can catch you asleep under a tree so we can beat you up!"
- "I've never lost a fight."
Translation: "I've never been in a fight."
- "I'm about to introduce you to a world of pain."
Translation: "I'm gonna get a football player to beat you up."
- "Surely we can talk this out like rational human beings."
Translation: "Not the face! Not the face!"
- "I believe in a fair fight."
Translation: "We'll start the fight when my back up arrives."
- "By taking the initiative to go on to a university and further my education, I hope to broaden my horizons, open new eployment opportunities, and be a better person on the whole."
Translation: "I'm here for the beer."
ON MEETING WOMEN:
- "Would you like to dance?"
Translation: "Please give me a reason to touch you."
- "That's a very interesting name you have."
Translation: "That's a very interesting name you have. Of course, in five minutes, I'll be so absorbed by alcohol and staring at your legs that I won't remember it."
- "I think I love you."
Translation: "God, I hope I wasn't stupid enough to give you my real phone number."
ON SOCIAL ISSUES:
- "I totally agree with your stance and am angered how my race has oppressed you for so long."
Translation: "Just because I can't make you sit at the back of the bus does not mean I have to like you."
- "The plight of your people is truly an awe-inspiring tale."
Translation: "I hate you [insert appropriate racial slur here]."
- "I want you to know that despite our color differences, I think of you as a brother."
Translation: "Please don't mug me."
- "Not enough people take birth control seriously."
Translation: "So what if it IS my kid, I don't see how it's my problem."
- "Something needs to be done about the homeless problem in our country."
Translation: "Can't we shoot them or something?"
- "It breaks my heart to think somewhere in the world, a small child will go to bed without his dinner again tonight."
Translation: "Better him than me."
- "I respect Christianity. Jesus was a great man, full of love and patience. The hate he had to endure, and yet he still loved us all. He truly was the Son of God."
Translation: "Anyone who turns water to wine can't be all bad."