Maineiac

• Vancouver RCMP in urgent need of five thousand gallons of pepper spray delayed in transit by strike.
• Preston Manning thinks "back to work" is really "back to slavery."
• Conspiracy on the part of "X-Files" TV producers, who are running out of things for Sculley and Mulder to investigate.
• Parti Quebecois votes "oui" to everything.

12:00 High noon, and tensions are high as well. Management is hiding inside the depot, so to set an example for the world and save face we will have to beat one of our own union members into a bloody pulp with a baseball bat. Volunteers are requested.

12:01 No one volunteers. Morale seems low. This could be a long strike.

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

• You may not pay for a fifty-cent item with only pennies.
• In British Columbia, it is illegal to kill a sasquatch.
• Citizens may not publicly remove bandages.
• In Montreal, you may not swear in French.
• Also in Montreal, citizens may not relieve themselves or spit on the street. Punishable by a fine of over 100 Canadian dollars.

An American, a Jew and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes.

Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.