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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Report from the picket line at Depot 74, Vancouver; Day One

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12:00 High noon, and tensions are high as well. Management is hiding inside the depot, so to set an example for the world and save face we will have to beat one of our own union members into a bloody pulp with a baseball bat. Volunteers are requested.

12:01 No one volunteers. Morale seems low. This could be a long strike.

12:02 We randomly select one union member to "volunteer." In what is surely a meaningless coincidence, this turns out to be the smallest, stupidest and most fragile worker there.

12:03 The plan is stymied when our "volunteer" runs away with our only baseball bat. Recreational events for the weekend will have to be cancelled....

13:00 After only one hour, I am already bored and frozen - stiff being the appropriate adjective in each case.

14:12 Newspapers (the Province), books (Plato's Republic) and radios (CKNW talkshows) are abandoned when one of our union brothers reveals his former identity as a Special Forces Vietnam Vet. His anecdotes about home-made explosives are especially informative.

14:36 Several of the union brothers and sisters pay a quick visit to a nearby paint store.

15:27 Morale leaps up suddenly when a Federal Express truck overturns and explodes in front of the depot. Despite our best efforts, the driver manages to escape from the flames.

16:30 I go for a lunch break of chicken souvlaki at the trendy coffeeshop next door, Automotive.

17:00 We are forced to abandon our defensive positions in the back alley due to the encroaching darkness and the proximity of the fast-moving cars there. Somewhat daunted by losing the best place to drink unobserved, we retreat to the depot's frontage on Homer Street.

18:00 My first tour on picket duty is over, and I have survived to whine about it for another day....