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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Only In America

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... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

... can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box and a draft dodger live in the White House.