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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

St. Patrick's Day Groaners!

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smiley shamrockKnock, knock!
Who's there?
Irish who?
Irish you a happy St. Patrick's Day!

Q: Where would you find a leprechaun baseball team?
A: In the Little League!

Did you hear about the leprechaun who worked at the diner?
He was a short-order cook!

Q: What do you call a leprechaun's vacation home?
A: A lepre-condo!

Q: What would you get if you crossed a dog with an Irish instrument?
A: A bagpup!

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Pat who?
Pat your coat on, and let's go to the St. Patrick's Day parade!

Q. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
A. Regular rocks are too heavy!

Did you hear about the man who wanted to sound Irish?
He decided to go for brogue!

Q: What do you call a clumsy Irish dance?
A: A jig mistake!

Q: What would you get if you crossed a leprechaun with a bathroom?
A: A lepre john!

Q: What would you get if you crossed a leprechaun with a seashell?
A: A lepre-conch!

Q: What would you get if you crossed an Irish landmark with a Stone Age cartoon character?
A: Blarney Rubble!

Q: What would you get if you crossed a stupid boy with a well known Irish ballad?
A: "O Dummy Boy"!

Q: What do you call a performance by a leprechaun band?
A: A lepre-concert!

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Warren who?
Warren anything green today?

Q: What's little and green and goes two hundred miles per hour?
A: A leprechaun in a blender!

Q: Are there many selfish people in Ireland?
A: Yes, because in Ireland, "I" always comes first!

Q: Do leprechauns get angry when you make fun of their height?
A: Yeah, but only a little!

Q. How did the Irish Jig get started?
A. Too much to beer and not enough restrooms!

Cook l: "What do you think of my Irish stew?"
Cook 2: "It could use a pinch of Gaelic."

Q: What did the leprechaun say to the elf?
A: "How's the weather up there?"

Q: What do you get if you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover?
A: A rash of good luck!

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Aaron who?
Aaron go bragh and all that Irish talk!

Q: What do you call a leprechaun with a sore throat?
A: A streprechaun!

Q: What would you get if you crossed an Irishman with a basketball star?
A: Eire Jordan!

Woman 1: "I married an Irishman on St. Patrick's Day."
Woman 2: "Oh, really?"
Woman 1: "No, O'Reilly!"

Q: What does Ireland have more of than any other country?
A: Irishmen!

Q: What did one Irish ghost say to the other?
A: "Top o' the moaning!"

Q: Are people jealous of the Irish?
A: Sure, they're green with envy!

Q: What did St. Patrick say to the snakes?
A: He told them to "hiss" off!

Q: What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife?
A: A bachelor!

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Don who?
Don be puttin' down the Irish now!

Q: What kind of music does a leprechaun band play?
A: Shamrock 'n' roll!

Q. Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A. Because they're always a little short!

Q. Why do leprechauns have pots o'gold?
A. They like to "go" first class!

Q. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
A. He's Dublin over with laughter!

Q: What would you get if you crossed a leprechaun with a frog?
A: A little green with a croak of gold!

Q. Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
A. He couldn't afford plane fare!

Teacher: "Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?"
Student: "Because it was too far for them to crawl."

Q. What's Irish and stays out all night?
A. Patty O'furniture!