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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.


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A member of a fund-raising group visits a lawyer to shame him into donating.

She says, "According you our records you haven't given any money to charity even though your business in booming."

He responds, "Do your records say that I have an ailing 80 year old grandmother with Alzheimer's who must have someone to watch her and take care of her constantly?"

The woman looks down at her papers.

He continues, "Do your records also show you that I have a brother who was injured in the war? He has no arms and no legs, and he requires a nurse's care twenty-four hours a day." Then he adds, "And do your records also show that my father has an incurable disease and has enormous hospital and doctor bills that must be paid?"

The startled woman looks up, embarrassed by her initial remarks just as the lawyer asks one more question...

"And if I don't give them any money, why should I give any to you?"