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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Funeral Procession

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A long New Orleans style funeral procession passes by, but instead of a jazz band, it's lead by a man walking a lion. Behind the coffin walk at least 200 people.

A bystander asks the man, "What's going on?"

"My lion ate my lawyer and this is his funeral," is the reply.

"Could I borrow your lion?" asks the bystander, "I've got a lawyer I'd like to have eaten."

"Sure, get in line."