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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

The Pope and the Lawyer

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The Pope died and went to heaven. When he got there, he found a lawyer in line in front of him at the Pearly Gates.

Saint Peter came over and told the Pope, "Just a minute, I'll be right back." At that, Saint Peter took the lawyer away.

When Saint Peter came back, he told the Pope, "Follow me to your new quarters."

Along the way they passed many people in their heavenly abodes, and they happened to pass by the quarters of the lawyer who had preceded Saint Peter through the Pearly Gates. The Pope was awe-struck by the opulence and splendor of the lawyer's quarters. There were fine silks, rare foods and drinks, soft music, and attractive young women to serve him for eternity.

Saint Peter and the Pope finally arrived at the Pope's new quarters. The Pope looked in and saw a 6 foot by 9 foot room with bare walls, a plain bed and a Bible for entertainment.

The Pope said, "I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I am wondering why the lawyer gets such a magnificent room and I get this small room."

Saint Peter replied, "Well, you see, we have a great many popes here in heaven, but only ONE lawyer."