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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Time for a New Lawyer

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  • During your initial consultation, he tries to sell you Amway.
  • He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."
  • When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
  • He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
  • During the trial, you catch him playing his Gameboy.
  • He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
  • A prison guard is shaving your head.
  • Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.
  • He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
  • He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.
  • He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said ..."
  • He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
  • Just before trial starts, he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"
  • Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
  • The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25 p.m."
  • Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."
  • He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."