Family Safe Jokes

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Men Are Like...

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Bank Accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.

Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

Curling Irons. They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

Government Bonds. They take so long to mature.

Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Parking Spots. The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small.

Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.