Family Safe Jokes

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Writing on the Walls

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Friends don't let friends take home ugly men.
- Women's restroom, Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE

Remember, it's not "How high are you?" it’s "Hi, how are you?"
- Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her.
- Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, N. Carolina

Express Lane: Five beers or less.
- Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's

You're too good for him.
- Sign over mirror Women's room, Ed Debevics

No wonder you always go home alone.
- Sign over mirror in Men's room, Ed Debevic's

The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
- Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

Beauty is only a light switch away.
- Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.
- Armand's Pizza, Washington, D.C.

Don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
- Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL