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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

The Deaf Accountant

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Their was this man that was an accountant for the mob. He happened to be deaf and mute. While working for the mob he collected over 500,000 dollars by stealing from the books.

The mob boss finds out about this and sends two hit men to his house.

Since the accountant was deaf and mute his brother translated what his brother said.

Hitman 1: Where is the money?

Accountant signs he does not know.

Brother: He said he does not know.

Hitman 2: Tell us where the money is or we will kill your wife and kids, burn down your house, and castrate you!

Accountant signs fast and furiously that the money is in a safe that is hidden in the floor board of his closet and gives the combination.

Hitman 1: What did he say?

Brother: You ain't got the guts to do it!