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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Sign of the Times #2

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In the front yard of a funeral home:
"Drive carefully, we'll wait."

On an electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

Outside a radiator repair shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."

In a nonsmoking area:
"If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door:
"Push, Push, Push."

On a front door:
"Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."

At an optometrist's office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

On a butcher's window:
"Let me meat your needs."

On a fence:
"Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."

At a car dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."

Outside a muffler shop:
"No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."

In a dry cleaner's emporium:
"Drop your pants here."

On a desk in a reception room:
"We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."

In a veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the electric company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Beauty Shop:
"Dye now!"

On the side of a garbage truck:
"We've got what it takes to take what you've got." (Burglars please copy.)

In a restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up."

Inside a bowling alley:
"Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."

In a cafeteria:
"Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want."