Family Safe Jokes

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Church Football The Other Sunday Sport

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QUARTERBACK SNEAK: Church members quietly leaving during the invitation.

DRAW PLAY: What many children do with the bulletin during worship.

HALFTIME: The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leave.

BENCHWARMER: Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit.

BACKFIELD IN MOTION: Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.

STAYING IN THE POCKET: What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord's work.

TWO MINUTE WARNING: The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.

INSTANT REPLAY: The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week's illustrations.

SUDDEN DEATH: What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes into "overtime."

TRAP: You're called on to pray and are asleep.

END RUN: Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.

FLEX DEFENSE: The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.

HALFBACK OPTION: The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.

BLITZ: The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.