Maineiac

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Charm School

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Two delicate flowers of Southern womanhood (one of whom was from Texas) were conversing on the porch swing of a large white-pillared mansion.

The first woman, who was not from Texas, said, "When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for me."

The Texas lady commented, "Well, isn't that nice??"

The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac automobile you see parked in the drive."

Again, the Texas lady commented, "Well, isn't that nice??"

The first woman boasted "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."

Yet again, the Texas lady commented, "Well, isn't that nice??"

The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"

The Texas lady replied, "My husband sent me to charm school."

"Charm school!" the first woman cried, "Land sakes, child, what on Earth for?"

The Texas lady responded, "So that instead of saying 'who gives a damn' I learned to say 'Well, isn't that nice?'"