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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Reasons Why Women Should Not Have Freedom Of Speech

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  • She doesn't need to talk to get me a beer.
  • If she's in the kitchen like she should be, no one can hear her anyway.
  • If she can talk, all she'll do is complain.
  • Because she won't say "I will" instead of "I do."
  • No man wants to hear "first down" during a basketball game.
  • Because PMS is no excuse for whining.
  • No man needs or wants to hear the word "period" unless it has to do with hockey.
  • Affirmative action.
  • When men whistle at them in the street, they should just shut up and obey.
  • Oprah.
  • Feminists.
  • Because that stupid look on her face should not be accompanied by an equally stupid statement.
  • The 2nd and 19th amendments.
  • I don't want to be made to lie and say "I love you"
  • Highway fatalities would decrease by over 90%.
  • When I sneak out at four in the morning, I don't want to hear anybody calling me back.
  • Women sportscasters.
  • Women congressman.
  • God forbid, a woman president.
  • Marge Schott.
  • Stupid says as stupid does (and is).
  • Where does speaking come into "barefoot and pregnant?"
  • Yes that toilet seat was yellow in the first place.
  • TLC and Salt-N-Pepa.
  • I don't care if you're in labor. For the love of god, let me sleep.
  • They were the reason for the 18th ammendment.
  • The life expectancy of the average male goes down with every word.
  • Female drunks are annoying
  • We're tired of their "We can't pee standing up"
  • That damn apple.
  • Of course, if she can't speak, she can't argue.
  • Rosanne. Nuff said.
  • Suzanne Powter. Too much said.
  • Honestly, do they really have anything useful to say?
  • If she can't talk, she can't complain when I forget important dates.
  • When she talks she's not drinking, it's hard to get her drunk when shes talking.
  • The Mute button only works on the TV.
  • Helen Keller was the ultimate woman.
  • Equality is for math.
  • The credit card bill speaks for itself.
  • If it hurts, I don't wanna hear it.
  • Marcia Clark.
  • Chick-flicks.
  • You don't see Victoria's Secret models talking, do you?
  • Janet, Mariah, and Whitney.
  • Michael Jackson.
  • Intelligent car conversation? Hell no.
  • That annoying fat woman from Snapple.
  • High phone bills
  • Women should be seen and not heard.
  • Do you think it was BILL Clinton who messed up the country?
  • Because they're not men.
  • If I wanted your opinion, I'd ask for it.
  • Hell, if I wanted your opinion, I'd give it to you.
  • "Where've you been?" Who are you, my mother?
  • Women on radio? You can't see them, do you really want to hear them?