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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Scientific Study: The Affects of Beer on Men

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Yesterday scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.

The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoeostrogens) and drinking it makes men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men were fed eight pints of beer each within a one-hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the men:

  1. Gained weight
  2. Talked excessively without making sense
  3. Became overly emotional
  4. Couldn't drive
  5. Failed to think rationally
  6. Argued over nothing
  7. Had to sit down while urinating
  8. And refused to apologize when obviously wrong

No further testing was considered necessary.