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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Hacking Barbie

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SANTA CLARA, CA -- Executives at Mattel Toys, manufacturers of the Barbie line of toys and accessories, are busy trying to track down a cyberspace vandal they say did serious damage to their image.

An anonymous message to an Internet discussion group called "alt.binaries.warez.ibm.pc" entitled "Truth Hurts" contained reversed engineered computer code that malicious computer hackers could use to program this season's new "Talking Barbie" into saying things she was never meant to say, a source at NewWave Systems told the Associated Press.

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The Gift of Barbie

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A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"

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Barbie's Letter to Santa

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Dear Santa,

Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from too many tea parties. I hate to break it to you Santa, but it is DEFINITELY pay back time!! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you don't want to be around to smell it!) So, here's my holiday wish list for this year, Santa.

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Barbies You'll Never See 8

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(Thanks to Milkcartongal for contributing to this page!)

  • Sumo Barbie ...comes with thong
  • Teenage Pregnancy Barbie ...complete with dropout forms. Angry parents and deadbeat boyfriend sold separately
  • NRA Barbie ...comes with assault rifle and picture of Charlton Heston

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Barbies You'll Never See 3

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  • Whoopie Cushion Barbie ...do you really need a description?
  • LAPD Barbie ...comes with two nightsticks, in case one gets broken subduing a suspect. Taser also available.
  • Microsoft Barbie ...Barbie doll with Bill Gates' head

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Aging Barbie

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Finally a Barbie I can relate to! At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic...

1. Bifocals Barbie - Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie - Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues.

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