Maineiac

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Three Old Men

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Three old men were sitting around talking about the problems with aging.

The 80-year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me would just to be able to have a good pee. I stand there for 20 minutes, and it just dribbles and hurts. I have to go over and over again."

The 85-year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me is if I could have one good bowel movement. I take every kind of laxative I can get my hands on and I still have problems."

Then the 90-year-old said, "That's not my problem. Every morning, at 6 a.m. sharp, I have a good long pee. And at 6:30 a.m. sharp, I have a great bowel movement. The best thing that could happen to me would be if I could wake up before 7 a.m!"