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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

What the Doctor Really Means

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When the doctor says...

"This won't hurt a bit," he really means, "This is gonna really hurt."

"This should be taken care of right away," he really means, "I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself."

"Welllllll, what have we here..." he really means that he hasn't the foggiest notion of what it is, so is hoping you will give him a clue.

"We'll see," he really means, "First I have to check my malpractice insurance."

"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week," he really means, "I'm playing golf this afternoon."

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm," he really means that he hasn't the faintest idea of what to do; he is trying to appear thoughtful while hoping the nurse will interrupt. (Proctologists say this a lot.)

"We have some good news and some bad news," he really means the good news is he's going to buy that new BMW, and the bad news is you're going to pay for it.

"That's quite a nasty looking wound," he really means, "I think I'm going to throw up."